I hope this doesn’t sound like another “bitter black woman” post, because I am far from that. A bitter black woman. I’m quite the jolly soul. In fact, I probably could’ve been one of Santa’s elves with all the joy I have inside paired with my affinity for chocolate, cookies, and all things sweet. Oh and I love to give (hugs, kisses, compliments, gifts whatever you need, if I have it, you do too!) and make people smile. Okay, okay! I guess I got sidetracked. Let me get right to the point.
There’s this stigma (at least I feel like) for single black women. That if you’re single it’s because there’s something wrong with you. That you’re too feisty, too picky, too sassy, too tall, too short, too this, too that. That if you’re single it’s because you’re looking for “Mr. Perfect.” Quite honestly, I am sick of it.
Why can’t I just be single because I’m scared of commitment too? Or maybe because I’m looking for myself and I feel like in order to pair with someone I have to know what it is that I stand for? What if I’m learning to be a mate? What if I’ve gone through some things and even though I may want to be with someone, I just don’t know how to let them in? Or even better, has anyone ever considered that some people just like to be alone?
I’ve never been the type to follow the crowd. I don’t like doing what everyone else is doing simply to say I did it too. I’m all about doing things your own way and finding your path and moving at your own pace. Life and love are not a race.
I hate that society pressures all of us to feel like we “need” to have that “special” someone at a certain age. I hate that society tells us that this person has to come to us in a certain way.
I just had an encounter with this gentleman that rubbed me the wrong way. I’ve known him for over a decade, and he piqued my interest in my teenage years. As we got older, I realized that he and I didn’t mesh too well. He was fond of me, but I was not very fond of him. This guy is solid. He’s smart, he’s outgoing, friendly, and he’s family oriented. He’s everything that I would normally look for in a guy, but he just wasn’t right for me.
I feel like there’s this pressure for us to settle if someone has a lot of the categories on our”checklist” that we can check off. You can have every item on my checklist, but if we don’t mesh well, I’d rather be alone. I considered settling, but I couldn’t because something inside of me was saying “this isn’t right.” I’ve learned from experience to listen to that voice within. Anytime I’ve ignored it, I’ve found myself in some peculiar situations. I don’t feel bad that we didn’t go anywhere.
People tend to think that because you’re single you’re waiting for someone to come and sweep you off your feet. I am open to growing in love with someone, but I am NOT sitting around waiting for that “someone” to “find” me. My theory is that love is for us, love is in us, and while we are alive we should share it and spread it like a wild fire.
Yes I’m am single, but I am not looking for you. I am not desperate to have just anybody here. My father set the bar incredibly high, and I’d rather be by myself than have just anybody here. I keep telling people (and some don’t believe me) that I am OKAY with being single. Contrary to popular belief, I am not lonely and I am a very happy individual and I like to think that I live a very fulfilling life.
At the end of our lives, when we’ve become one with the universe, none of this is going to matter. So while we’re here, let’s make the most of being alive. Go hug someone. Kiss someone. Smile at some. Hell pay them a compliment, I don’t care. Just don’t sit around dwelling on your “status” because society says. Live a little (go on adventure), love a lot!