Today was one of those days. I don’t know if it was the full moon or not, but I was completely off. I was lethargic and didn’t really have the energy to make it through. I found myself dragging around from task to task. I’m so happy the day is over and I can crawl into my bed. Dullness aside, I spent a lot of time thinking.
I thought about myself and how hypercritical I am of me, and how I’m constantly demanding that I be perfect. I thought about how I give so much to everyone and not enough to myself. I thought about my crush and wondered why he would ever fall for someone like me.
I can always give to people with no expectation, but find it hard to give to myself. I can accept people how they are, but can’t accept the way that I am. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate who I am; but I always think that I can be better. If anyone gives me a compliment, I always counter it by pointing out one of my many flaws. And when it comes to the crush, I look at him, look at me and other women and I think “there’s no way he’ll like me over so and so, they’re so much hotter than me.”
I am my own worst enemy. I don’t know why I always sabotage myself. I’ve come a long way, but I still have some way to go.
I finally told myself, that I’m not perfect, and that’s okay. I may not be the most beautiful girl in the world, but I am still beautiful, and I am very much worthy of love. It’s okay to take some time out for myself. It’s okay to be kind to myself. Even more when someone pays me a compliment a better response is to smile and say thank you.
I’m slowly working out my kinks, man…but everyday I get one step closer to the center of myself. I’m okay with that. I’m okay with progressing. ❤️