While Roger awakened my intuition, Aaron officially pioneered me into my “self love movement.” After that experience, I began to ask myself the hard questions and faced my truths. How can I expect someone to love me when I didn’t even love myself? And how did I expect to find love, when I didn’t even know how I wanted to be loved? I made a list of all the things I hated about myself and decided it was time to make peace with myself.
Through a lot of pep-talks from my friends, countless journal entires, anger, sadness and tears, my view of myself began to change. I started being practical. I worked hard to create a balance between my flaws and my reality and accepted that not only was I imperfect, but that there was nothing wrong with it. It was okay to be just me.
After many months of hiatus I decided I was going to try this dating thing again. I was feeling hella good and I was convinced that I was going to find “the one” right away because I did my work. I loved myself, and I knew how I wanted to be loved, and in movies when the character goes on a journey like this, love instantly finds them, right? So that meant my prince was going to be knocking on my door at any given moment; right? Wrong! I still had a few frogs to kiss!
There was this guy that would come checking for me daily. I was never around, so he would inquire about me from my homegirl. One day we organized a happy hour and met up for a good time with the gang. During the happy hour, I mouthed to my girls that “I’m not feeling him.” I got a very bad vibe from him, and my energy did not match his. I left it alone. I ran into him a few days later and we talked. The conversation ended up going much better so we exchanged numbers. This man told me that he was in a complicated situation–they were broken up and nothing was going on. I didn’t believe that, and thank goodness I didn’t…because two weeks later, this joker and his baby-mama had a baby.
A few months later I met someone else. I asked him what his story was and he told me that he has a “situation.” I don’t know about y’all, but I know anytime the story starts with “see what had happened was,” or “I have a situation,” it’s about to be some bullshift (yes the ‘f’ is supposed to be there, lol). I asked him what that meant and all he said was that “has a kid.” I said “is that right?” And asked jokingly, “so who was the crazy one, you or her?” Cause you know some of these “Same Guys” always swear the woman is crazy and they are so sane. *insert “boy, bye” face here.* And he said “everyone has a little crazy in them.” Interesting answer. I didn’t like that response, but I continued to entertain him anyway, because I knew at that point that this wasn’t going any damn where. We talked a lot in person, and I decided at the spur of moment one day to give him my number. We texted (as usual), but it wasn’t really that engaging. After a while I stopped initiating conversation. He would invite me out, and even on trips, but I declined them all. Something didn’t feel right. One day, I was talking to a friend and they happened to mention that he was engaged and getting married soon. It didn’t even shock me. As a matter of fact, I just laughed.
I laughed because my intuition had saved me behind again! Can you imagine how messy either of those situations would have been? I’m not into that kind of drama. I like to sleep with both eyes closed and not have to worry about anybody slashing my tires, or boiling my pet rabbit. I don’t have a pet rabbit by the way. Just being dramatic, lol.
I feel like when we meet people, they show us what their intentions are. They can talk a good talk and walk a good walk, but if you look closely you will see what they’re really about. I want to implore people to listen to that voice within. If your gut it telling you that something is wrong, please listen. More than likely, there is a reason why you’re feeling this way. Your intuition is a good moral compass, and it will steer you in the right direction. Since I started trusting my intuition, I found that it’s spared me a lot of heartche and pain. I feel like a lot of people could benefit from doing the same.
After all of my experiences with the “Same Guy,” this is what I have concluded. Love is a choice much like anything else in life. You have to choose it for yourself. I can’t stress this enough. I think that a lot of people in today’s society are very scared of being alone, because it is stigmatized that having a significant other makes you whole. Being alone (as in single) is looked at as loneliness, so many people are compelled to accept any kind of “love” that comes their way, even if it’s destructive. I’m a firm believer that love will not make you second guess yourself nor leave you in constant pain. Yes, love is a lot of work, but its something that two people have to continually choose to work on together. I feel like people in today’s society have this idea that love is a fairy tale. That you fall into it and everything works itself out with no effort. Nothing in life is like that. You have to do your work. Get familiar with yourself. Listen to the voice within. You don’t need anybody just because “everyone has somebody.” Accept that love is for you, because it lives in you! You can give it and get it from anybody, not just a significant other.
If you keep running into the “Same Guy,” stop and evaluate your patterns. Check to see if there were any signs that you may be missing. I assure you, if you go back and look you’ll learn something, and hopefully be able to avoid falling for the “Same Guy” again.
I hope enjoyed reading this series!
I wish you all love, light, and laughter!