I entertained Melanie for a while. I answered her calls and responded to her texts and gave the the opportunity and space to vent. I gave her advice, but ultimately she was an adult and was capable of making her own choices. She decided to stay with him, and I decided that it was time to pull away. After all, I had my own life and my own problems and I wasn’t about to let Roger or Melanie keep adding to it. I couldn’t be a friend to her without first being a friend to myself. I started ignoring her calls, and began paying attention to myself.
I spent several days replaying everything in my mind. It was so surreal. I seriously felt like I was in a movie. I gave myself one week to feel whatever emotion I needed to feel. I was angry, I was sad, I was hurt, and I really wanted bad things to happen to Roger. After that one week, I dropped it like a hot potato. I vowed that I wouldn’t be this stupid again. That when it comes to dating, I will keep my eyes open and do my due diligence so that I would never end up in this position again. I kept my word. It was after Roger that the wheels started to churn. That I realized that I needed to get a hold of myself so that I no longer ended up in this position.
I didn’t miraculously get better after him, no. I still made mistakes. But this time, my eyes were opened and I was armed with knowledge of what to look for. Roger had awakened my intuition and I would slowly begin to start relying on it heavily from that day and the next few years to come.
While I was getting acquainted with my intuition I moved on to Aaron.
Aaron was a steamy one. He had a lot of the qualities that I liked in a man. He was smart, had a great sense of humor, was very easy going, and he could wine (dance) like nobody’s business. I was proud of myself because I felt I had picked a solid one. I would chase Aaron for years in hopes of stealing his heart, but nothing I did was ever enough. Aaron never even noticed me.
I was crushed. All of my insecurities would come rushing back like a flood, and I had to face myself again. I decided that this time, it was imperative that I take some time to myself and do some deep soul searching.