Birthday Blues

This weekend, my friends and family pulled together to make my milestone birthday a special one and rather than enjoying their company, I spent most of my time in a funk. I am completely embarrassed and disgusted with myself. I don’t ever expect that anyone would go out of their way to do something nice like this for me again, or that I’ll even be invited anywhere again. Quite honestly, I can’t even say that I am upset or pretend to be confused as to why.

This weekend was a great opportunity for me to reflect on how much further I have to go on my journey. And while I may be further along than when I first started, there are quite a few things that simply can not wait and must be changed now.

I always encourage others to find light in darkness, but yet I  couldn’t follow my own advice. I’ve criticized people for having “bad attitudes,” in happy times, yet that’s what I always bring with me.

I don’t want to be the person that nobody ever wants to be around. The one that steps into the room and sucks all the energy and light out of it. This weekend was a great reality check for me. Things happened exactly as they needed to.

If I ever want to get to the center of myself, I have to lighten up. I have to let go and let love in.

Please send me love and light,

Clarissa

 

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